Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
