All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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