i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
