I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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