I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
