apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
