party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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