Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
