She is in my trunk
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
