all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
