she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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