I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
