i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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