guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I understand Curling. That high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
