Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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