My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
