woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is Oprah even human
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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