So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize