I think my vagina is haunted
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
