Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
