Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
