how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
