weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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