smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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