I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
