elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
