Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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