Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
