he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
