We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize