I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
