kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
