its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
