i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
