ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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