I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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