I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
