i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In other news, I just burned my penis
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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