i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
