She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
