the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
