I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
