I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
