I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
