I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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