if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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