Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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