some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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