I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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