Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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