don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize