Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
