I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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