i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize