am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
