I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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