never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
