Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just high enough for therapy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
