bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I look better un-naked...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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