It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
