Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
