Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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