Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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