At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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