he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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