Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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