id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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