Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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