I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have aggressive nipples.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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