call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize