I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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