I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
