Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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