got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
