dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
