Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it's great music for shaving your balls
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
